Self-Judgment & Self-Rejection

     We all judge. Whether we do it to ourselves or to other people (like judging based on first impressions). It feels good to judge people; makes one feel in control. After all if we didn’t do so, we would be stuck knowing a lot of people we’re better off without. But it’s when we judge ourselves that we might be a bit harsh (maybe even cruel and insensitive).

     Judging ourselves is a good thing though. It’s what keeps us motivated to do stuff mainly for our own good (at least it should). But what really happens is that by judging or criticizing ourselves, we become driven to take actions that protect us against rejection or even failure.

     So when does judging ourselves stops becoming helpful and starts keeping us from being happy or satisfied? I guess too much of anything isn’t healthy, right? “I think the hardest thing to overcome is judging yourself and being your own worst critic so to speak.” - Nile Rodgers.

     Unfortunately, it’s quite often that we criticize ourselves on a daily basis, even in the smallest way possible. In fact, I don’t believe humans can make it past a few seconds without doing so.

     These ‘thought barriers’ (and I call them so because it’s mainly your thoughts that do the judging) weigh us down over time. And if we’re not careful with those thoughts they can result in us judging everyone around us.

     I guess the first step is to realize that, in a way, you’re rejecting yourself. If you keep telling a child that s/he is stupid, ugly, not good enough, or that there’s something wrong with them, the child would feel rejected and unloved. Surprise! Same thing happens when you do that to yourself (it’s not like we don’t know about it, it just helps when someone sheds light on the matter).

     Turns out, we all have that inner child who is extremely sensitive (and in my case always wants some chocolate). If we come at peace with that idea, we can then understand why judging ourselves is a way of self-rejection.

     “Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the ‘Beloved’. Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.” - Henri J.M. Nouwen.

     Another thing that might help would be realizing that no one is responsible for what or how you feel about yourself. Maybe as a child, parents were in charge of keeping you happy, safe and feeling worthy. But as we grow up, it is only up to us to fill in that gap (giving ourselves the love and attention we need) Even if you have a loved one, rejecting yourself would only end in you not feeling worthy of their love.

     If you have a child and you’re constantly trying to get someone else to take care of it (giving it away to other people), well, I hate to be repetitive but it will feel rejected by you.

     That inner child we talked about earlier, it will definitely feel the same way. S/he will probably feel strongly rejected by you if you don't take responsibility for your own feelings and look for someone else to give you what your parents might not have given you.

     We hardly ever notice that we judge ourselves (I almost never realize it before it’s too late so I know I still have a lot to learn). It is only when we learn not to judge ourselves so often that we can truly know the meaning of confidence. And it is only then that we could maybe even stop ourselves from avoiding the pain of rejection.